Shengliver’s Note: Dick the Chinese teen was in love, hopelessly, madly, with one of his teachers. Miraculously he cured himself of the infatuation and came out stronger, wiser. Oh, classroom crushes do happen in this reserved culture, my reader.

 

As the saying goes, love is hard to get into and even harder to get out of. I did not comprehend the true meaning behind this sentence until I entered YYHS and had a huge crush on a woman named Iris.

 

I was 15 then. Iris was not a student. She was a teacher teaching our class *.

 

To be honest Iris was the most beautiful, charming and perfect woman I had ever met. Her sweet smiles healed every wound in my heart. So graceful was her demeanour that the very sight of her made me go weak at the knees. Her beauty devoured me. For a time, my mind was full of her.

 

Hopelessly in love with Iris, I could not push her out of my mind. It seemed as if the woman were my entire world and universe, even without her awareness of it. Despite my infatuation I did not have the guts to go and tell her about my feelings. That was a torture.

 

As a matter of fact, Iris was the first woman I had had such fiery feelings for. In middle school when my classmates were starting to date, I never expected I would love a girl classmate, romantically or sexually, in the world. That was silly. And I never expected that I would even fall head over heels in love with a teacher, who is over ten years older.

 

Deep down inside a voice told me that my emotions were absurd and sick. My weird experience might be part of what is called youth and growth. I warned myself that my fantasies were insane and unwholesome, because I even fancied having sex with Iris.

 

My obsession started to take its toll on my studies. My grades plummeted. As a result, I determined to push Iris out of my mind as soon as possible. It was much easier said than done. However hard I tried I could not make it. Shengliver, you could not imagine how painful and hopeless I was then. Every evening alone back in my own room I cried crazily like a lunatic.

 

I spared no effort to break away from Iris’s spell, but her charm was too strong. I thought I had lost myself in this emotional wilderness. I was in despair.

 

Fortunately, during the online lessons (February—June 2020) due to the COVID-19 Pandemic, I managed to detox myself. I finally purged myself of the morbid thoughts. I would not tell you how, but honestly speaking it was a complex and agonising process.

 

Henceforth I began a new life. I put more effort into my lessons and my grades gradually picked up. Now they are even better than before. I have found my former true self.

 

In hindsight, what an experience! What a fine line I trod!

 

Thanks to this emotional rollercoaster ride of mine, my wisdom has increased. Temptations lurk all along my life journey, but I am the captain of my soul. By following the voice deep down in my heart I don’t think I will ever deviate from the right course.

 

Dear Dick,

 

Lying at the depths of everyone’s heart are dark secrets that in no way would they make known to others. You shared a secret of this nature with me. Thanks for your trust.

Humans and animals share a lot of physiological characteristics. For one thing, hormones play a part. First impressions often trigger off a hormonal reaction. Therefore, it is quite normal to feel romantic towards a fellow creature of the opposite sex that appeals to the eye.

But humans are different from animals in that we normally do not express our romantic feelings the moment they surface, the way animals do. There are a lot of societal, moral and legal constraints which make us think twice before we go up and make amorous advances.

Through this experience of yours, you have become wiser. The mental agony and the academic regress were the prices you paid for the lesson. Luckily, you followed the inner voice at the bottom of your heart, which pointed you the right way to go. And now you are on the right track.

As a teen, you will encounter new temptations along the way. Therefore, you will have many more such decisions to make in the years to come. Trust your own judgement if the occasion arises. When in difficulty, you could turn to someone trustworthy for advice. But the final decision will be yours.

Thanks again for sharing with me this extraordinary slice of your life. This letter might be a little difficult for you to read. You might consult a dictionary for the meanings of the new words.

Best wishes.

 

Yours,

Shengliver