Shengliver’s Note: The teen writer puzzles over the meaning of adulthood.

This is the last week of my adolescence.

With my eighteenth birthday just around the corner, I have been confused recently. When I was a little boy, I dreamed of growing up. I thought adulthood meant freedom. I thought I would not have to follow my parents’ orders or my teachers’ commands and that I could do whatever I liked and become whatever I wanted to be. I also thought that I would not have to take others’ remarks into consideration, just because I was old enough to make my own decision.

As I was growing up, I found becoming older was totally different from what I had expected. There is an invisible bondage that I cannot break away from. After all, I cannot make mistakes like a child any more. And I can’t help caring about what others think of me.

Most of the grown-ups around me are always carrying a poker face. It seems that they are not happy as an adult. I am afraid of joining their ranks in time.

I started high school with dreams and ambitions. After I did the drudgery (one paper after another) for such a long time, however, the desires to achieve something big faded away day by day. I am aware that they are not gone without a trace because they still surface in my mind from time to time.

At the end of the day, reality teaches me an important lesson. Darkness wants to crush me into a paper ball. Setbacks pop up one after another. Responsibility is what I deserve, but I am not sure I am ready to take it on.

So what is the meaning of adulthood? To taste a miserable existence? Or to become one of the walking dead, without any emotions? Of course not.

Maturity does not have to incur pessimism. Besides I still have a long way to go. I will never know what the future holds in store if I stay where I am. As long as I keep trying, there will be a chance for me to break free from the rut. There are so many wonders out there in this world I can hardly wait to go and explore. Just for their sake, darkness can never obliterate the ray of hope in my heart.

It is the ups and downs, twists and turns, on the journey that will make every day of my being a miracle.