When I was about 9, around 2010, I was cared for by my grandparents in the home village. They reside in a small place by the river Hanjiang called Qingshan in Yunxian, where most of the locals are either farmers or fishermen. Animals are everywhere around the village. Oxen, pigs and chickens are the most common.

The time I was with my grandparents, they raised an ox, a few pigs and a large number of chickens. The ox and the pigs were tolerable, but the chickens were disgusting. Not cooped up, they left their droppings anywhere they walked. As a result, the farmyard was rendered filthy wherever they went. They even roamed into my room and left their mess on the bed. That drove me nuts. I decided to teach the shameless devils a lesson.

One day an opportunity presented itself. My grandparents went to the country fair for festival shopping, the Spring Festival on the way. Left home all alone, I started to execute my plan.

First, I placed a lot of corn kernels around the front door of the bungalow. Then I dropped more grains along the doorway up into the house until I stopped in my grandparents’ chamber. Then I left open the front door of the house before I sat down in a chair pretending to be reading.

As I had expected, some birds were lured to the kernels left at the door. In the beginning, a couple of chickens came over and pecked at the treat. In a short while, more and more of the feathered devils were gathering at the door. Having finished the corn in the doorway, they ate their way right into the living room, and following the grain trail, ultimately into my grandparents’ chamber. They completely ignored me as I sat there motionless like a statue, reading or pretending to be reading.

All the birds in, I could hardly contain burning excitement inside. First, I flew to the front door and shut it. Then, I picked up a broom in a corner and swung it at the birds. They were so scared that they were darting in all directions. After that, I took out of my pockets the firecrackers I had prepared for the revenge. I ignited the devices and threw them one after another at the birds. With each boom, they got into a frenzy and flapped their wings frantically. Their desperate cries could not have pleased me more. With nowhere else to go, they all were cornered in my grandparents’ chamber. They made a mess of the room and even toppled my gran’s sugar jar.

Having teased the birds to my heart’s content, I felt mission accomplished. I reopened the front door. The birds scampered out for their lives. You could not imagine how fast they were scurrying off.

When Grandad returned, he gave me a good beating.

I stomached the punishment stoically. To my great pleasure, what I had done to the birds had an immediate effect. After that, they never ventured into the house again. Yes, they still wandered and defecated about the yard, but the cottage itself was much cleaner without their sickening shit.