Quarrels are an essential feature of my maternal grandparents’ daily routine. “Their marriage is awful,” Mother says.

In Mother’s eyes, her parents are as incompatible as fire and water. Grandpa used to be a farmer who had just finished primary school. In contrast, Gran was college educated. Their union is simply unthinkable. Because of their educational backgrounds, Grandpa and Gran end up with different outlooks. Hence, they cannot get on well.

Grandpa believes that he is the household boss and that his woman should follow his order. Gran, however, advocates gender equality. Their black and white attitudes are reflected in their daily squabbles. When Grandpa tries to force his wife to go east, Gran will head west. The bitter war between them never ceases for a single day.

Just before my mother started high school, my grandparents both became jobless. The factory where Grandpa had been employed and the market where Gran had owned a shop were shut down almost simultaneously.

Not natives of Shiyan, my grandparents originally came from Yichang, Hubei. Back in Yichang, Gran was headmistress of a primary school, earning a decent salary. One year, Grandpa said he wanted to move to Shiyan for a job opening at an auto factory, but his wife was opposed to the idea. In the end Grandpa came to Shiyan alone, leaving Gran and their 2-year-old daughter behind in Yichang. After some time, Gran had no choice but to follow in her husband’s footsteps, giving up her beloved job in the school. These days, Mum often rues her parents’ decision. Had they not relocated here, Mother often says, she would have had a better education and better living conditions in their hometown.

As you can imagine, Grandpa and Gran do not sleep in the same bed although they are under the same roof. Since their relationship is so sour, why did they tie the knot in the first place then?

Their wedding happened because my grandma’s parents liked my grandpa. Gran did not have the power to say no to his parents’ order for her to marry the young man they had chosen for her.

Who is to blame for the “lame” marriage then? In today’s China, arranged marriages are long gone. When my grandparents were young, however, arranged marriages were the norm. Young people, especially females, were not allowed to defy the marital choice their parents made on their behalf.

Witnessing my grandparents’ everyday fights, I feel lucky that I will be able to pick a young man after my own heart. I can’t imagine myself sharing my life with a man I hate.